The Road to 40 Day 299/365: A Reason For Living

I realize at times that being a housedad isn’t really something aspirational – no kid ever says they want to be a housewife or a househusband when they grow up.

If I had a time machine and told my 10-year-old self that I’d be a housedad at 40, I think that kid would be mildly disappointed. I know that kid really wants to be a dad someday, but knowing I don’t have a cool job at my age might not be something he expected.

After all, I feel like I’m smart enough. At that age, I was consistently among the top 10 students in my class of 30 or something. I was a fixture in those top 10 lists from as long as I can remember until high school.

In college, I was smart enough to keep up with my peers, but I probably won’t be among the top 10 if we had a list.

I worked hard for my grades not because of rewards, because we didn’t get those for good grades. Instead, I wanted to show my parents that I appreciated what they did for me. I always wanted to make them proud, but I guess somehow, anything I did just wasn’t enough.

I was expected to be able to do more, to be better than what I was able to accomplish.

Ultimately, I carved my own path. I knew I was a quick learner, so I found a way to thrive in the jobs I took, no matter how much I didn’t know about them.

When I decided to finally pop the question to Che, I was still held back by the thought of disappointing my parents again. At the time, both my siblings were living in different countries. Knowing I would also have to leave my parents if I chose to get married made me hesitate a bit.

After a lot of introspection, I decided to get married and move to Singapore. I had to choose myself at some point, because I can’t have Che waiting. She’s done her part in taking a huge step in her personal growth by betting on herself in a different country. It was my turn to let her know that I also want to build a life with her.

I sent my CVs to practically anywhere I thought my skills might be of use. I had one that showed my sales experience, and another that showed my writing background. Neither got a lot of calls, but a lot of them got rejections.

It crushed me, but I chose to brush it off. Later, I took a job as a cashier in a hawker stall. It was an enjoyable experience, but also very humbling. It wasn’t a job I imagined I’d be doing in Singapore. I couldn’t even have time for Che on Saturdays.

There was a moment when I broke. I told Che that I felt lost. From a life where I had a car that took me everywhere and I got to spend time with anyone I wanted to, I was suddenly a hawker stall worker who couldn’t even spend weekends with my wife.

She booked me a flight on the spot and told me to take a quick trip home.

That trip gave me perspective. I spent time with friends and family, and it was then that I had closure from the life that I had. I felt that I was missing out on a lot of things, but the trip gave the old me a chance to formally let go of those feelings. It was no longer the life I wanted to live.

I realized that I was going to be the whatever my family needed. Che was pregnant at the time, and while I was in my comfort zone again, all I could think of was how she was doing.

I quit the cashier job when Vino was born, and I’ve been by his side ever since.

On this day, like any other day, I took him to school. I decided to record how long it takes for him to reach the top of the staircase to figure out how much time I spend just watching him.

Considering whatever promise or potential I had when I was younger, this is what I’ve become – a housedad. I probably won’t get invited to podcasts because I’m not promoting anything, and I don’t have income streams to inspire people. It’s not something parents would want their kids to be.

However, I know that it’s secretly a dream job for a lot of folks.

I get to actually take care of my family by giving them all the support that they need to do what they do. I get to cook hearty meals for them. I get to listen to their worries and share their joys. I get to delay whatever I think I want to do so that I could take Che to the office or watch Vino go up the stairs to his classroom.

This life isn’t glamorous, but it’s damn rewarding.

Watching Vino confidently look back or randomly stick his arm out to wave goodbye tells me that he knows that I’m always just there. I couldn’t ask for anything more.

Getting to do these things in this lifetime is why it was super easy for me to let go of my beloved red meat and finally be committed to an active lifestyle – I want to do these far longer than they need me to do it.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.