The Road to 40 Day 185/365: Teaching and Expectations

Vino lost a couple of things today, which got me worked up again.

As the only child of two people who care a lot, Vino gets a lot of things we didn’t get when we were younger. One could argue that he didn’t ask for it, but I like to give it to him so that he experiences a good life.

My first trip out of the country was when I was 23 years old. He’s been flying everywhere since he was born. We got him all the toys he wanted to have, as long as we could afford them. He gets to eat a lot of good food from restaurants I probably wouldn’t eat in on a normal day.

So whenever I feel like he doesn’t value something, I get heated up.

Last Sunday, I got him a Moon Ball. It’s a soft, bouncy ball that the kids in his school usually play with. He decided to bring it with him, and I told him that he should take care of it because it was really small and he hadn’t written his name on it yet.

True enough, by the time I picked him up, he told me that he lost his ball. He also said that he lost his water bottle, but I found it inside his bag, which also frustrated me.

At this point, I was disappointed, but I wasn’t angry. I kinda expected it to happen. He said sorry for losing the ball, which I appreciated. We talked as we walked. We reached the bus stop and he decided to play with his friend. He handed me his backpack, but carried his lunchbox to where they were.

When the bus came, we hurriedly went on. I saw that he had nothing on him. He lost his lunch box. That’s when I blew up.

It feels like he doesn’t value the things that he is given, and is taking all the things he gets for granted. This isn’t the first time that it has happened as well. He keeps wanting to play, so he rushes through everything that he does and forgets the things he should be carrying.

I was done. I tried not to snap and shout at him, and it took all the energy in me not to say bad words.

Vino calls out people who say bad words around him, something that we taught him to do. Friends always say that he should be calling me out, but I honestly try my best not to say bad words when he’s around me. It takes a level of commitment to do that, especially if you know how I normally talk.

I messaged Che about what happened just so I could let off some steam. I hoped she talks sense into me and later be the good cop when we get home. Meanwhile, I was not in any mood to speak with Vino.

We didn’t find his lunchbox, but I hoped that his friend picked it up knowing that it was Vino’s. I messaged the kid’s mom and found out that her kid did have it.

Truthfully, if that kid didn’t pick it up and it was just lost, I would have seriously decided to talk to Che about transferring schools. I’m not very happy with the kind of values the kids in this school have, maybe because I was raised in Catholic schools in the Philippines.

For context, Catholic schools, I believe, have more strict rules, and being in the Philippines – a country that is widely known as Catholic – only amplifies that.

In an international school that “respects” all religions and races, I believe that his current school is very loose when it comes to values and is very Western in their approach. It’s “student-centric” and all that, and you could hear all the brats talk with no respect to their elders.

Thankfully, his friend was Asian, and from how I know the parents, I believe that he is raised well.

When we got home, I went straight to the kitchen while Che was working and was in calls. Vino went to the room and called his friends. I vented on the minced meat to make meatballs for dinner and future lunch packs for Vino.

As much as possible, I don’t want to be angry and shouting at Vino. We talked about it before, and he told me that he doesn’t like to see me that way. However, this series of events makes it difficult for me to not be angry. It’s like we put in a lot of effort to give him a good life, but he just doesn’t care about it at all.

It’s like seeing someone be given keys to a Ferrari and drive it through a wall at the first opportunity.
I wanted to get over it quickly, but I just couldn’t easily calm myself down. As a dad, my whole being is basically what kind of person he turns out to be. I don’t have metrics or targets in this thing that I do, but what kind of person he grows up to be is a reflection of what kind of dad I am to him.

So anytime he loses something valuable or anytime he disrespects or hurts people, I am easily triggered because these are things that I never teach him.

We ended the day on neutral terms, with him walking on eggshells around me. I tried to be as civil as possible, but there was still a bit of resentment in my heart. Che asked me to breathe and cool off, and I think a good sleep should help.