The Road to 40 Day 365/365: This Is Me At 40

It’s been a full year of doing this project, and I have unintentionally learned a lot of things about myself throughout this journey.

Now that I am entering a new phase of my life, I think it is only fitting that my final entry for this project is basically a reflection of how this series of blogs helped me grow as a person.

My primary goal for this whole project was to have a big project done before turning 40. During this process, I hoped to figure out how to generate consistent content and maybe see if I could roll over the learnings to starting a podcast or a YouTube channel.

What I didn’t expect was the burnout, the new connections, the lessons about myself, and maybe even some burned bridges.

With that, here are some of the most important lessons I learned through this series.

Content Generation is Hard

I am very talkative in person, so I thought a blog a day would be a cinch.

It was not.

I feel like I started strong, with a little bit of daily things and a little bit of commentary about those events. However, at some point, things got a bit repetitive, so the commentaries would revolve around the same things.

Eventually, it became like a diary entry that no one asked for. It became too detailed that I had to pull back. There were times when it wasn’t sparking joy, but I needed to push out something to continue the series.

It doesn’t really help that the househusband’s life isn’t all that exciting, really. There are days when I’m mostly folding clothes and doing chores, so I don’t even have photos to use.

I think from time to time, I am able to write with inspiration. It’s just not sustainable because I lose track of what I’m supposed to be writing – do I write about my day? Do I focus on the pictures I collected? Should I write a commentary?

I admire people who are able to do daily things, but frankly, I can’t do it. Still, I think I can be consistent if I could produce content at least once a week. With this, I think I could create more interesting and engaging stuff. I have my tools now, so it will be a matter of what kind of content I would be passionate about.

I Am An Oversharer

I’ve had a couple of blogs that I’ve written that drew some flak among close friends. Che has always warned me about certain topics, but I shot her down, saying I only have six consistent readers (including her!) who probably don’t care much about it.

Ultimately, I understood that there are stories that are not for me to tell.

I love telling stories and talking to people, and I really don’t have a line on what a “big deal” is supposed to be apart from obvious ones. I understand now that not everyone has the same mindset.

Since I have the luxury of time, I enjoyed watching comedy specials and long-standing TV series. As such, I sometimes laugh when others don’t because I know the stories behind their inside jokes. Because of this, I would sometimes share about five backstories just to tell one joke so my audience could enjoy the punchline as well as I did.

I’m slowly trying to learn how not to do that. If a story has several layers, I know now that if people are not privy to the layers, then they aren’t the audience for any of it.

Everyone Has A Motive

In connection to the previous point, I think that I became an oversharer because I easily trust people.

Personally, I want to believe that people are essentially good. Unfortunately, they become jaded by the community that they live in, so their survival instincts kick in.

Because of this, I always make it a point to make sure that when I am cheering a random friend because of their wins, I have to explain it outright in an extended message. Otherwise, they’d think I’m trying to sell them something or will ask money from them.

I’ve been blessed to be living my best life. I’m a housedad who is able to go on vacations when my wife needs it, can attend any school function where my child needs me to be, and I can cook food to nourish my family. I can’t ask for anything more.

I’m lucky to have enough that I don’t need anything from anybody. As such, I happily cheer on people who post their small wins on their socials, no matter how faint our connection is, or how long it’s been since we last talked.

I gain nothing by cheering people on. In the same way, I gain nothing by talking about other people if I fall into my oversharing self. However, there may be people who think I am making a move for something bigger.

Even Che had to ask “why?” at some point, because she couldn’t understand why I just couldn’t keep my mouth shut on certain occasions.

While I know in my heart that I don’t have ill intentions, I understand now that whatever I say could be twisted based on the receiver’s own motives or interpretations. It’s like the “pass the message” game in Running Man.

The game starts with a word that one person sees. The person draws it and shows it to the next person. The next person has to guess what the drawing is and draw their own interpretation of the drawing. After about three other people do the same, it could be a totally different picture by the end.

The players in Running Man get to figure out the answer after their game, but in real life, not everyone digs for the true answer because people only choose what they want to believe.

I never understood why people have to treat life like a chess game, where every move potentially leads to another. I feel like I don’t have to explain my actions, but with certain circumstances that I’ve fallen into this past year, I apparently still have to.

I’m not a pawn, heck, I’m not even a king, because I’m not even playing. I write – always have, always will. Like everyone else, I’m the hero of my own story, but I’m not writing villains on mine.

An A*e With A Heart

I rarely have a filter on things I say, as discussed in the previous two points. I am not one to sugarcoat things, especially if I think the person I’m speaking with needs to have a reality check.

When friends or family ask me for advice about relationships, I tend to advise them to break up. It’s not because I want to see the world burn, but because I want them to have a fresh start. If the problem is so bad that it has to come to them asking me what to do, then it’s not worth fighting for.

I’ve been on that road before. I was given contrasting advice by different friend groups during a troubling time, but it was ultimately up to me to take action.

As an oversharer, people think I talk behind people’s backs. However, I do have principles, believe it or not. I don’t say anything to others that I can’t say to your face. I’m not a complete asshole, and I’ve always been this way.

I speak harshly, but underneath those stinging words is my genuine hope that you find your peace and happiness. I feel that everyone needs someone who just cheers for them and expects nothing in return. With where I am now in my life, I feel like I have the capacity to be that to the people around me.

Of course, you have to dig through the harsh words, sometimes the pointless stories, and the stupid dad jokes.

I don’t attack people because this is some character I choose to play. I am unafraid of saying things people don’t want to hear because I gain nothing, no matter which path you take.

Even at 40, I think I’ll stay the same. Maybe a bit more mindful of the harsh words, like how I put the asterisks on the heading of this section.

Sincerity Always Shines Through

There have been disappointments throughout this journey, but I can’t say that my faith in humanity is broken.
This past year, I was able to reconnect with at least three friends I haven’t seen for over twenty years. I spent a good amount of time with old friends whom I had rarely seen in recent years, and our talks felt like much-needed catch-up sessions.

It didn’t turn into full-blown friendships again, but we’re at least aware that we all quietly cheer each other on in the lives we’ve built for ourselves.

Che and I have always worried that Vino might grow up alone because he’s an only child. However, these meetings gave me hope that he’ll always have good people around him if he is sincere enough as a person.

These meetings happened with no expectations from either party, except for good stories about how we ended up where we are now and what the future looks like for us. Even if decades have passed since we last saw each other, we never treated each other badly in the past, so we kept a good rapport when we had a chance to talk.

I always tell Vino that I don’t expect him to change the world or be the best in everything. What’s important is that he grows up to be a good person.

People will have their opinions about me, and I’ll take them. However, I have a basic understanding of what being objectively “good” is, and I am trying my best to steer Vino in that direction so that he grows up better than I as a person.

Shrinking and Growing Circles

I’ve read somewhere that as you grow older, your circle of friends gets smaller.

I think it’s true in some respects. As you move your way up in the world, the people who are your true friends will reveal themselves and stay by your side.

However, I believe that limiting yourself to your known circles is preventing you from learning more about the world.

This past year, I’ve made new connections and strained some old ones. I think at 40, the people who are around me are going to be there for as long as they want to, but as life goes on, I’m okay with meeting new people who are in the same life stage.

The parents of Vino’s teammates and classmates, Che’s colleagues and their families, friends of good friends, and new players joining our basketball community are people I naturally want to build connections with. They don’t have to be my “ride or die” kind of people at the same level as my decades-long friends, but they could be good friends I can share meals with.

I have come to realize that keeping a small circle doesn’t mean the people in it value you the same way as you do. At some point, I hoped that I could at least be a part of people’s lives to a certain extent, and I got disappointed when it wasn’t reciprocated on the same level.

I had to learn the hard way that expectations would only breed pain if they were not met. Still, I had to learn to accept that that’s just how people are. I don’t resent the people who don’t reciprocate how I value them, because at the end of the day, it was my choice to give them that value.

I believe that while I have defined my close circles, I’m not going to close my doors on potentially new ones just because I’m 40. At least now, I’ll know better about building those new relationships.

Living a Dream, Looking Forward To More

Looking back at this whole year of inputs, I’d say more than 50% of it had to mention Vino, and I’m happy that it does. It means I’ve thought about him more than I thought about myself, even as I embarked on this project.

When Che and I decided to have a baby, we agreed that I would take on the role of the “present” parent between us. While I don’t have performance reviews, I think this whole series gives me a sense of personal validation that I’m doing my job.

“Am I doing it well?” is another question, but I’m starting this fitness journey to make sure that I live long enough to get a lot more chances to get it right.

When I was younger, I never thought about what career I would pursue, but I was so certain that I wanted to be a dad. While I had to grapple with my ego and societal expectations, I think it’s all been worth it.

Some people say “life begins at 40” so this age seems to be a milestone year. However, I feel like life began almost nine years ago, when Vino was born.

I don’t think 40 is an opportunity for a fresh start. It’s going to be like every other year of growing older, learning and unlearning, and experiencing life. I’m entering a new decade, which is both exciting and scary. There are endless possibilities in thinking “it’s not too late yet,” but at the same time, there’s the fear of “until when will I see the light of day?”

For you, reader, thank you for getting to this point with me. Whether you joined in from day one or you’ve just gotten curious about how I’m going to end this, thank you. My friends have always said no one reads blogs anymore, so I should move to vlogs and short-form articles or clips. However, if you’re reading this, you just proved that people will still read if something piques their interest enough.

Given that, is it possible that I wrote 365 blogs and this long-ass final one just to prove a point? If it is, then it’s quite petty. I mean, how can someone turning 40 put so much effort into such silly pettiness?

Honestly, I could write 365 more blogs, and we both won’t know the answer to that question.

Here’s to hoping for at least 40 more years ahead!